Winning in Conflict at Work: Managing Challenges for Better and Healthier Outcomes

There has been considerable conflict between people since Adam and Eve had children. The conflict people encounter in the workplace is tantamount to the number of people employed in the workplace. While conflict sounds like a negative word, it is also full of positive potential. I know, sounds highly unlikely, but I can quickly prove it to you.

How we see conflict is largely shaped by our formative environments — our childhood homes, first jobs, and first sports or academic teams we joined. Generally speaking, we see conflict as extreme disagreement but more often than extreme circumstances, it is commonly a small variance or incongruence in perspective, action or intentions. These experiences are hardwired connections in our brains that show us whether conflict is something that should be avoided at all costs, if we can lean into conflict with an optimistic outcome, or if we should stand as a deer in headlights because it’s completely unfamiliar to us. Some show up to work having reprogrammed their idea of conflict through therapy, evolved perspective, books or some other healthy means. Most of us just work with what we’ve always had. Read: yikes, this could get ugly!

Regardless of where you find yourself on the spectrum of conflict programming, the enneagram, Meyers-Briggs or any other personality descriptor, we all can learn to not just survive conflict, but rather thrive from the benefits that conflict offers each of us.

How do you lean into conflict even if you’re not sure the outcome will be positive?

You make a choice. A choice to cool down if things are tense, assume the best and begin to peel back the layers of the onion so progress can be made. Here’s an approach that I know works for so many and that I personally use in situations where I’ve been offended or a boundary of mine was crossed during the conflict:

• Situation. Address the circumstances where the offense occurred or where the conflict was catalyzed. Note: I would recommend taking this step and the subsequent steps in a one-on-one private conversation.
• Behavior. Address only the behavior. Humans are poor examiners of their own motives therefore, to accurately decipher someone else’s motives is next to impossible. Spell out the details of the behavior that felt inappropriate or offensive. Do this without making assumptions about motives.
• Impact. This step takes maturity. It takes vulnerability, and most of all the “H” word. Humility. It is much easier to point out someone’s misstep, bad behavior or pure foolishness than it is to admit that we were hurt or embarrassed by it. This is where you bring it home so a resolve can be made.

This approach won’t necessarily end in an apology or changed behavior, although that is often the result. It is a starting point for deeper relational equity, clearer boundaries and transparency. In an effort to not oversimplify human conflict, some situations may require multiple conversations and the support of a mediator or leader. Regardless of the route taken, stay optimistic about how it ends.

Benefits of Real Conflict

Get Better Results. There are numerous examples of the challengers who engaged in conflict and the result was technological advances that have changed the way we enjoy life. Some of the best ideas only come through challenging the status quo and those that defend it. In case we need to get more granular here, try challenging something that has “always been done this way.” You can end up in a very heated exchange. Or shall we say, conflict.

Build Stronger Relationships. Stronger relationships yield positive outcomes. That’s right, conflict can be the catalyst for deeper relational equity amongst teams and leaders. Through resolving conflict, you get an opportunity to learn more of the why behind people’s behaviors and mindsets.

Calibrate Personal Confidence. Learning to speak up for yourself even when it feels easier to leave it alone and cut your losses is invaluable to building confidence. The more you do it, the more confident you will become in personal advocacy.

Consider these benefits as the ROI for leaning into conflict. These are only offered if we don’t avoid the discomfort that conflict brings. If conflict is inevitable when people share space, responsibilities or ideas, we should aim to get the best out of it. Anything else, just wouldn’t make sense!